Welcome to the Akatsuki Motel!
by krystal-kun
Summary: Due to an accident, Akatsuki is forced to take residence in a hotel! Hilarity ensues after a spring competition is held for all the residents of the inn. Watch as the members compete, chill, and try to stand each other without revealing who they are!


**Ugh, I'm so sorry for leaving you all hanging for such a long time. My computer crashed on me and erased all my files. I'm still rewriting the next chapter of When Dog meets Dawn, but here's a little plot bunny that kept gnawing at my brain**

**I swear I am going to try to update more after summer school! DX**

**Title: Welcome to the Akatsuki Motel!**

**Author: Krystal-kun**

**Anime: Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto**

**Genre: Comedy, a little bit of friendship**

**Summary: Due to an accident, Akatsuki is forced to take residence in a hotel! Hilarity ensues after a spring competition is held throughout all the residents of the inn. Watch as the members compete, hang out, and try to stand each other without revealing who they are!**

**Enjoy!**

oOoOoOoOo

It was a fine, sunny day in the River Country. The birds were singing, the flowers were blooming; fish swam happily along, not caring whether they would live to see tomorrow. Children of the local village chased each other around in the warm rays of the sun, all laughing contently. Even the local hermit under his rock seemed to have his heart grow three sizes that day. All in all, it was so utterly adorable that you would've probably thrown up that bowl of cereal you had for breakfast.

That is until a large explosion sounded in the distance, followed by billows of smoke, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Our story begins with a spiky haired brunette sporting an odd orange mask, strolling along the forest to none other than the famed, and completely top secret, Akatsuki hideout. Yes the Akatsuki, known for long coats, jingle bell hats, social outcasts, and generally evil plans.

Our orange masked friend had a dream. To be able to join these famed criminals, and perhaps, become as equally feared as them. Oh, and maybe rule the world. That would be nice.

So he continued on to his destination. Green leaves hung in canopies overhead, while dirt and gravel crunched underneath. There was something about this day that made Tobi especially happy. Whether it was the intoxicating floral scent in the air or the music of birds chirping or even the sun leaving the earth bright and warm, it was infectious. Maybe this is what they called 'spring fever'.

Needless to say, it was so perfect you could've _sworn_ it was being made up by a fan fiction writer with nothing better to do. The towering gates of the Akatsuki lair began peaking into view. Alas, all perfect things must come to an end.

Now I can properly begin where I left off.

A booming explosion sounded in the distance, sending shock waves through the forest. Tobi jerked his head up as a large mushroom cloud billowed to the sky. Shocked, thrown off guard, but mostly _excited_, Tobi quickly switched his directions toward the source of the quake. He was _such_ a smart boy.

With his green scarf flapping wildly behind him, he dashed through the trees until, without him noticing, the ground had shifted from the crunch of hard gravel to the splashing of water. He continued running, subconsciously keeping the flow of chakra to his feet while the droplets of water slashed around. He soon found himself rounding back to the lair and, soon enough, reaching the outer wall of the east wing. Now, everything looked pretty fine and dandy, well, minus the big gaping hole in the wall. The hole led into the large, spacious living room of the lair. Various chairs and tables decorated the high-ceilinged room. Inside, a charred and blackened Deidara and Itachi stood idly. After exchanging a few glances, Tobi let out a low whistle, examining the damage He had to incline his head all the way back just to see the crumbling top of what used to be a wall. A small cough of smoke brought his attention back to the two ashened figures before him.

"Aw! Did Deidara-senpai get mad again!? You have such an explosive temper!" He began laughing at his own oh-so-witty remark. Deidara on the other hand, had already begun forming another bomb to shove down that mask of his.

"Tobi, what do you want?" The Uchiha had already taken a grip on the blonde's collar to stop any bursts of rage. The last thing they needed right now was another hole. And Tobi being blown up _might_ be bad too.

"Ah! Sorry Itachi-san," he let a few more chuckles escape before wiping at the hole in his mask as if there were supposed to be tears of laughter there, "I just heard the explosion and came to see if Deidara-senpai blew his arms off!" he doubled over in laughter, _again_.

The blonde was now twitching violently. "Tobi, what kind of an idiot would get himself blown up!? Hmm?!" Ah, if only he knew…

Once recovered from his giggle fit, Tobi started to climb over some of the various rubble to get inside, "Aww… I just wanted to see if you sill had all you limbs!"

He placed his hand over his chest dramatically as if offended, while his voice held mock hurt. Hey, if he didn't make it into Akatsuki, he could always get a good career as an actor right? Always good to have something to fall back on.

Climbing atop a particularly large pile of rocks, he stopped when he heard a sound. It was some kind of gurgle, or muttering-wait, was that cursing?

Tossing aside a few rocks, he found none other that Hidan nicely wedged in a crack made by two very large stones, well, his head was at least. Spitting out a few loose pebbles, and taking a few good, deep breaths, he blurted out, "Bastards! What the _fuck_ Deidara!?

Violet eyes sent their piercing glare toward a very smug blonde.

"Hmm? What did Deidara-senpai do?" His mask cocked to the side with his head.

"Oh nothing Tobi! Deidara-_chan_ was only trying to _fucking kill me_!" Even in his current position he was still bubbling with sarcasm.

"But I though he was immortal" Tobi sent a questioning look to his senpai, awaiting some sort of explanation.

"Well it was worth a shot. Hmm." That just about summed things up.

Hidan released an over exaggerated groan. "Just hurry up and get Kakuzu pumpkin-face."

"Too late."

Three and a half pairs of eyes turned to the door. There stood Kakuzu, green eyes piercing into black slits.

"Would _anyone_ care to explain _why_ there's a fifty foot _hole_ in the _wall_?" Every word was laced with venom.

The stone nin turned and spoke up matter-of-factly, "I was trying to kill Hidan."

The rage emanating from the masked man loosened only slightly to be replaced with a slight curiosity. "Did it work?"

"Bastard! I'm still alive over here!!" The severed head seemed to nearly jump from the rocks.

Kakuzu visibly showed his disappointment. He was getting pretty sick of his partner's mouth. Eyeing a pile of bloody fabric, he brought down his heel in a quick, fluid motion, crushing it squarely into the ground.

"Ow! Damnit!!" The jashinist yelped.

Upon further inspection, Tobi realized the black fabric was insignia with a familiar red cloud. Bringing up his heel from Hidan's severed body, Kakuzu calmly walked toward his partner. Grabbing a fistful of hair he, much to Hidan's cursing, swiftly sewed his head back to its rightful place.

Itachi solemnly watched the whole scenario unfold, though blinked in surprise when something wet was at his feet. The river surrounding the lair was beginning to quickly sweep into the room. The floor had a thing covering of water casting ripples and reflections in the room. This did not go unnoticed for long as the others began to realize the water pooling at the soles of their shoes.

"Aw fuck. Someone go get Kisame!" the silver haired man grunted.

With a quick salute, Tobi sprinted off to find the blue member. Within minutes, he barged back in, a considerable amount of water flooding out the door, dragging in a very befuddled Kisame. Soon followed Pein, Konan, and Sasori. Pein sloshed through the rising water, while Konan and Sasori kept a good distance. Water just didn't agree well with them.

"What's going on in here?" commanded their leader.

Tobi was already explaining the situation to Kisame in hopes that he could remove all the water, who in turn, nodded here and there between the rapid sentences.

"Hidan pissed me off so I tried to blow him up, hmm." Deidara stated.

Pein raised an eyebrow, "Did it work?"

Why does everyone keep asking that!?" Hidan fumed.

Konan stepped atop the water, taking a place next to Pein. Sending an annoyed, yet questioning, look toward Hidan, she asked, "What the hell did you say?"

The jashinist cast a nervous glance toward the blonde. Oh, he was just _waiting_ to hear Hidan's answer.

"Well, it's kinda funny, and you guys are gonna laugh! I freaking swear! See, blondie over there was already pissed off from something, don't ask me, and I just commented about his PMS-ing and… " he trailed off.

"And" The kunoichi urged.

"…I asked him where he keeps his tampons."

"_**Son of a bitch!**_" This time, Itachi did have to restrain Deidara.

Overhearing the conversations, Tobi and Kisame burst into hysterics, only infuriating the blonde further. Sasori gave his partner a smug, teasing look, and Pein, Konan and Kakuzu just stared. Itachi was indifferent. Surprise there.

"Regardless, the problem must be solved. Tobi!" Said man jumped into a salute, "Have you explained the situation to Kisame?" the orange mask nodded, "Good. Kisame." The mist nin looked up, " Can you get rid of all the water?" Rin'negan eyes shone in a glare of questioning and intimidation.

"Yes." He answered.

"Then do it." The silver eyes narrowed.

"Yes sir." Blue hands flicked in a blur of signs and soon enough, the water in the room began wading itself back into the river. Once all the water was out, Kisame broke the jutsu. Small pools of water had begun to immediately trickle back in. Pein rubbed his temples.

"We'll still need to call in a builder," Sasori commented.

"Then what? This could take weeks to repair and you can't expect me to hold out all the water for that long." The shark nin shot an annoyed glare toward the rapidly forming pools of liquid, splashing slightly with his foot to emphasize his point.

"Not to mention that in those weeks of repair, they could realized who we are and most likely report it to the village's feudal lord." The stitched man said with a small hint of disgust.

"Everyone. I have a plan," The leader commanded. All the members and Tobi turned to their leader awaiting his explanation.

"We are to call the builders and hire them for the repair. However, all of us are to stay completely hidden. Not one of them can so much as catch a glimpse of us. All they know is that they are repairing an old warehouse."

"But how are we going to live? They'll be all over the place-"

"I was getting to that." The blonde immediately shut his mouth.

"As I was saying, while they are repairing the base, we will need to find a different place to live. I will give the builders their instructions while the rest of you will head to a predetermined destination point. The River Country is still blissfully unaware of our presence here so finding a place to stay should be fairly easy. Konan, go contact the builders," with a quick nod, she disappeared in a blur, "the rest of you, pack your bags and hide your cloaks and headbands. Once the builders arrive, head five miles north of here toward the outskirts of the local town and wait for me. Itachi," the Uchiha raised his head, "cast a genjutsu across the lair hiding anything that may look suspicious, just to be safe." He gestured him over with a wave of the hand and added quietly, "make sure to cloak _that_ room well" The Uchiha nodded.

"We will depart in the morning, now move out!" With a wave of the hand the members disappeared in a blur, save Itachi, Deidara, and Tobi.

Tobi still sat upon his rock, though was already jittering with excitement.

"What should I do, Leader-san?" He gestured toward himself.

"Just pack up some things and meet us where I previously stated."

Tobi sprang up in anticipation and with a small poof of smoke, he was gone.

Itachi walked toward his room to pack his things, while Deidara, somewhat hesitantly, approached the leader.

"Leader-sama, just where the hell are we going to stay? Hmm?"

Pein eyed the blonde warily. Bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of his pierced nose, he stated, "We'll just have to live among the local residents."

Deidara groaned and disappeared to pack his belongings.

oOoOoOoOo

About a few miles away, a green, plant like man was busy finding his next meal in the form of some unfortunate passer by. He had spied a family with two kids earlier, though he didn't want to tear apart a family. He was evil, but not that evil. Though his heart always did seem to soften around this time of the year. He'd figured that, since he was pretty much a plant, he acted the way other plants did in the spring. So it was this season, his favorite really though he'd never admit it, that Zetsu seemed to feel fairly cheery most of the day.

Now winter, well, that's a whole other story.

"**We've been waiting for hours! Let's just head into the village for a bite."** A raspy, throaty voice came from the darker side of him.

"Too risky. I've seen a lot of people in the village recently. More so than usual." The lighter half replied in a smoother, more relaxed tone.

"**Just more for us to sample!" **The black half let a dry chuckle.

"Hang on, I'm getting a message from the leader."

Zetsu seemed to completely freeze, as he received the message. He never blinked, and the only thing that really showed his vitality was a slow, soft inhaling and exhaling.

"**What does he want?"** The dark half asked.

"We need to meet them tomorrow morning on the outskirts of town." Before the dark half could even question, he continued, "Deidara blew up a wall, and some builders are coming in to fix it."

"**That damned brat. So what does all this have to do with anyway?"**

A golden eye closed in contemplation against ghastly white skin.

"Apparently, we're going to be staying in a hotel…"

oOoOoOoOo

Read and review plz!


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